I’ve been noticing something about the Winter Olympics now taking place in Sochi, Russia: There’s lots of exciting competition, but you seem to get a few varieties of the same sport.
Ski Slalom. Ski Racing. Ski Jumping. Ski Freestyle.
Cross-Country Skiing. Cross-Country Relay. Cross-Country Skiing with Guns.
2-man Bobsleigh. 4-man Bobsleigh. Single Luge. Double Luge. And the same thing only face-first is called Skeleton (let’s face it, Skeleton is just for braver – or crazier – lugers).
But I feel it’s not enough. These sports need more variations! Here are a few suggestions for the IOC:
Never mind 2-man, 4-man Bobsleigh. How about Man-Woman-2 kids-&-a Dog Bobsleigh! I’d watch that! Hell, throw in the grandparents, lengthen the sled and have Whole-Damn-Family Bobsleigh.
Or imagine Broken-Family Bobsleigh. The kids would have to decide whether to race in Mommy’s or Daddy’s sled. Or former spouses competing against each other with their new partners and new families! An icy family soap opera on rails! That’s a TV ratings bonanza right there.
Biathlon is cool, but how about Biathlon…where they shoot at EACH OTHER!
Skeleton – but riding on real skeletons!
Head-to-head Figure Skating.
Head-to-head Figure Skating…where they shoot at EACH OTHER! I know, I know…that’s very impractical because errant bullets might injure spectators. Hmmm. It would have to be knives… no! 
Swords!! Much more elegant and dramatic! Imagine the routines. No more boring old Swan Lake. We’d get swashbuckling pirate themes (literally fighting over gold). Peter Pan vs Captain Hook. Romantic reenactments of the final scene from Hamlet. Game of Thrones! Also, blood cleans up pretty easily on ice – ask hockey people.
Of course the other danger is that the Figure Skating judges might get caught in the cross-fire. Gee, wouldn’t that be a shame.
